Slut skills are useful in every country.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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