Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
