Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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