WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
pray to the hookup gods
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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