We should be called the Road Head Warriors
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
