Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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