this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
