Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
