we were pretty classy up until the second keg
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
She bit a glass in half.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
