Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
