his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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