Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
