around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
