ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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