man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
