yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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