evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
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