why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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