I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
