I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
