He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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