i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
