So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
