i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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