Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
