The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
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