Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
