Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
