I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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