even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
