i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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