I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
