sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
ttyl tear gas
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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