i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
