dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
