watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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