Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
