Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
