I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
