So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
