The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
