im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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