it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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