Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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