Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
