4 words: hood of his car
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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