Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
