to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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