I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
