Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
