I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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