the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
