So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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