you traded sex for a burrito?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
