I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I am available for nakedness
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
