What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
