I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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