thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
i am craving dick and cupcakes
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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