I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
