i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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