just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
