She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
