My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
