as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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