I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
