sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
