so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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