i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
