"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
