I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
why do cheetos always look like penises
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
